de_la_vie

The Accident

    August 4, 2006 5:01pm. Fifteen minutes ago i just witnessed my first encounter with a car accident. Thankfully i wasn't involved physically. There was this guy on his motorcycle trying to turn right along commonwealth ave. I was about 3 feet away when a jeepney just hit him headon and basically ran over his motorcycle, taking its driver with him. He rolled 3 times under the jeepney seemingly lifeless as his hands were flailing like a ragdoll. I stepped on my brakes initially to view my course of action. I was in the middle lane and someone was honking at me to move over because i was causing traffic. I was shocked. I felt my heart beat as if everything was in a standstill. I saw no one act. Everyone just continued with what they were doing. I wanted to get off my car. I did. I wanted to help this guy who just got ran over but my body moved on its own. I stepped on the accelerator and continued on my way. After a while, when my sanity returned, i felt lost. I shouldv'e helped this person or at least wen't out of my car and see how he was doing. But no, I did'nt. Now I feel that I'm a bad person for not acting. Even if i did'nt know who this guy and his family was, i felt that something was taken out of me. I felt i did'nt have a heart. Now i don't know who i am or supposed to be.
    Remniscing the days of my childhood, how i always wished i would be like the superheroes i watched on TV, gave me a certain irony. The one chance i could've helped someone and i just passed by. *sigh* it's not about being a hero or acting like one. It's about how you handle the situation in front of you in that present time. Now i feel angry with myself. All those criticisms i gave on people that just stood there on the sidelines an all the angry remarks and outbursts that came afterwards. Now i'm the subject of my own judgment. *sigh* I'm such a bad person. At the end of the day, when i look at myself, i don't see the person i was before. I see emptiness in it's entirety. Gobbled up by the black hole of personal regret, the already small ounce of respect i have for myslef vanished as swiftly as the wind. *Damn* if only i just...
    To be continued...(hopefully)

The Meaning of Life

Who says you have to experience change in order to know who you are? Jackasses!!! haha It's not about "getting the girl" or at least having one right now to actually know what you wanna do. Yeah, I know that sometimes you can't really help but fall in love and dream of how wonderful your life may be. But tell me, when pure sorrow and regret fill your eyes at the middle or perhaps the end of a relationship, would that be the worthwhile "change", "individual meaning", etc. everyone hopes for? bunch of bullshit if you ask me.haha =) i'm not getting ahead of myself and conclude that having someone isn't worth a crap. I just want to say that life is more complicated than that. Finding someone is not really preordained by heavenly beings but simply a means to relieve our individual restlessness to wanna be with someone for the rest of our freaking lives. Hell, i bet we won't be alone ever. Although the statistical trends of the youth nowadays pre-empt the fad of living "happily ever after", we have yet to discover why we even need partners in the first place. Again, i stress out that happiness does not always come within a relationship. Somehow movies like "the notebook", "a walk to remember", and "a very long engagement" give us hints of divine overtures that show that everything will turn out the way we want them to be if we only have enough hope for a relationship to last. These movies should be reevaluated and censored to the public!!!LOL if it weren't for these movies, girls wouldn't have expected much from us guys in the first place and vice versa. So why not just stop with the temptations of "sweet endless love" and just focus on what is at hand; what you really want. If you pursue a relationship just for sex then why not just get a hooker? if you court a girl  for a cheap shoulder to lean on then why not see a shrink? (believe me, girls seldom listen) They might prove more expensive but they actually satisfy our needs more. Guys, (and Gals) let go of childish philosophies and embrace the reality of what human beings are and are capable of. Did you ever think that neanderthals expressed feelings for one another? Neanderthal males mate with females just by knocking the feminine skull with a stick and rape them thereafter. I am sure no love insued in that marital discourse. We survived mutual relationships then, why can't we now? centuries upon centuries link that the basis for that is the inroduction of religion. If not for religion, Males would still be hitting girls in the head for forced sexual satisfaction. Furthermore if we look closer to the history of this misconception of "love" , we find that literature, the product of human genius,  has ever since provided vassals of rufuge towards these so called happy endings. If not for William Shakespeare's tragedies, the reality of what relationships really are would not have surfaced and studied. Romeo never had Juliet. Othello killed his wife. etc. etc. The meaning of life or it's purpose because of these nuances will always remain untouched and unseen for it is man's genius that put him in that current state. Man's genius has always been it's only relative flaw.

coming arguments to be continued overtime... please be advised that these arguments are in raw and unedited form. Some words may have been misspelled, sentences may be  incoherent, and  ideas are likely repeated.

Why do people act so differently when someone's about to die? when in fact they hardly talk to them when they were still alright. The benefits of human condition...

Beauty forlorn...

Crimson leaves of northern shore await those who dream of saying goodbye. And as the last gaze of beauty draws near, eyes of stone crack and turn to dust. With every word of reason, with every kiss of regret, with every teardrop of farewell, men of valor turn to children of grief. Reaching towards logic, the only shackle that binds me to sanity trembles as memories enslave pillars of emotion. Yet as beauty touches the lips of hopelessness, fallen men stand up with eyes of virtue. Shattered hearts mend as new meaning steps forward. Traces of despair leave faces of joy. Weary eyes close and are ready to sleep…

Brief Comedy (Chauvinistic view of the day): What are men if not servants of god? yet what are women if not chicks who do their bidding... peace ^_^

As worn out shadows drift faintly over the horizon, a ray of light emerges from holes of despair. Puddles of guilt  become seas of courage. Leaves of past memory become trees of endless dreams. Yet the mere sight of change frightens me. Does this light bring forth eternal rest? Then if it is so, i'd gladly take the forbidden kiss.. Love may lead me to cross paths with destiny, but then again, what is fate without love's corruption? ..as dreary as the river styx

Walking by past memories i regret yet brings endless joy, draws me closer to the brink of insanity. As i walk further against the grains of consciousness, a feeling of cold dark serenity coupled with the silence of winter's wind engulfs my very soul. While passing the narrow corridors of my endless thoughts, something strange occured to me. Tears have not left me yet at the same time, sadness sorrounds me. Am i dead?

*tap*

"Wha.. who are you?"

"..."

"i see. Have you come to take me?"

(grins) "not now"

"What brings you then?"

"Hope still springs within a sea of doubt"

"I don't understand"

"someday you will"

As the figure inches away from my confused state, i realized that the sun never sets on people who remain to stand but rather shines on them. Messages of fate seek those who have lost hope and passes to them knowledge from within.

Specks of dust trails hopelessness, yet footprints of men remain as time plagues the earth

Just started...

Looking through the plain glass window outside my coiled heart, my life passes with new hope burdened with regret. Knowing someone this close to you will eventually go away, where only the starlit sky in between, saddens the thought of a story ending with a "happily ever after". I know she still loves me, perhaps with her whole heart, but i feel that destiny is against us. Sands of time continually churn with each passing day yet hope still lingers inside my ill-fated heart. Here i ask, should i let go? or should i still keep her knowing of her eventual departure? God has given me the joy of past memories yet why does he take away what he knows means the world to me? My thoughts ponder on reasons i can't explain, whether if destiny finds its way back to our future together or crossing the fork of goodbyes... i know god has a plan for me and my special someone. I just hope i realize it before everything's too late...